29 July, 2014

On my journey to conquer fear.

I've spent my whole life avoiding things that made me nervous or anxious. Unfortunately, for my pre-20 year old self, that was pretty much everything. The only safe haven I had was at my computer desk; where I could, from a very young age - long before most people even had computers; play games, explore the world, learn about new things, make friends on MSN chat rooms and Habbo Hotel and live vicariously through other peoples blogs, journals and websites.

The year I started University I decided to start pushing the boundaries and with that I decided to say "yes" more often to opportunities that arose. And it started small; like when a friend asked if I would read tarot cards at a Halloween event she was putting on (I dabble still to this day) or when a friend asked me to go house hunting with her, oh, and would I go to her pole class afterwards also. Saying yes to that first pole class opened up a whole lot more yes's and a whole host of new scary things. It has been just over two years since then and I feel like I have achieved more in that time than the rest of my entire life.

Teaching workshops at Sunrise Celebration 2014
The first few months of teaching pole fitness classes taught me a lot about myself and the people around me. I started to see the beauty and strength in every person who entered the studio, even in people I would never have normally conversed with outside of pole. Teaching gave me a huge boost in confidence. Now a year later from when I taught my first class I feel like a completely different person. This year so far has provided me with plenty of scary opportunities and I have managed to tackle each one in my own way. I graduated University with a 2.1 in Film and Screen Studies and Media Communications in June. I started teaching more group classes and privates in pole, aerial hoop and hula hoop. I've performed more often for larger audiences (twice in heels!). I came third in my first ever pole competition and decided I'd quite like to do some more! And I finally passed my driving test with only four minors.

At some point in life you have to get angry and say, "I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF BEING AFRAID ALL THE TIME". It's not possible to live without fear and anxiety, of course, but it is possible to conquer it. You have to step outside of your comfort zone, get angry, get focused, breath deep. It's a hard thing to do and it is always too easy to run back to safety, to that warm bed or that safe computer desk. But it's always worth it. Every single time I push myself to do something that scares me there are rewards.

Next up...first aerial hoop performance...at height...with no crash mat. Wish me luck...

- Bex