21 September, 2016

"I don't think I want to do this anymore" - a pole break-up story.

Katy, a long-term student of mine, attended her last class tonight. Katy has fallen out of love with pole.

It happened slowly, I suppose, the way it so often does with a loved one. In the beginning your mind is fully consumed with your love, new and exciting as it is. You can't wait to purchase your first pole, you find yourself day dreaming about that new move, your weeks exist solely to fill the time between classes, you wake up dying to remember that awesome pole combination you just dreamt about. It is everything.

Somewhere down the line, months and years on; the excitement wanes, you realise you haven't touched your pole in months, you go to class out of sheer dedication and probably because you love the other students and your instructor. Some classes you come away with a renewed sense of purpose and confidence; others, you want to cry in your car with frustration. Pole got hard. Pole got really hard and one class a week is not enough to progress in the way you want to, and should do. You feel you've peaked, you feel this is the end of the line, maybe maybe just maybe you really can't get any better? Maybe this is it. You're sick of practising the same moves in different combinations. You see the other students in your class, the ones who go to the gym for hours at a time, who practice on their poles every moment they get, who smile with their big shiny white teeth as they perform; looking like they were born to be there. Then you look to yourself.

And you go home each week thinking, I won't go back next week, or, maybe just one more week. Each time it all gets a little harder to continue. You are uninterested, or sometimes even fed up, or upset. Then there's that part of you that is so sad and that wants so so badly to just fall in love with it all over again, but you can't go back, not now.

So, you approach me, and you tell me, "I don't think I want to do this anymore".

And we talk and I tell you the truth, "It's okay, I fell out of love with pole a long time ago".

And I did. I really did. My complex relationship with pole unfolds and you tell me, you never even knew or realised, because how could you?

And what you don't know, or even realise, is how much YOU, dear student, mean to me. Your every little tiny triumph and failure weighs hard on my soul too. To see you sad and frustrated and crying; I want to shake you and say "CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW PERFECT AND WONDERFUL YOU ARE?" Regardless of your fucking pole ability. You ARE a pole dancer, to your very soul. In your mind you are not good enough, or no good, or not a natural.

THIS killed your love, sweet pole dancer.
This is the crime you must pay for.

And you liken this to a break-up, because it is, but in this case, unlike many others; your lover will always welcome you back.